Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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