Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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