there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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