He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize