I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
