Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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