I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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