Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
