is your mom at the bar?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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