Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
