So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
