everyone is single if you try hard enough
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
