They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
