remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
