Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize