Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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