dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
