At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
