Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
