I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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