I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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