So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
