Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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