I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
