I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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