Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
