Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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