i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
