Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
