dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
