i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
