He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
if i died would you start the facebook group?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
