There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
