hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
