I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
