im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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