she woke up with a sticky ear
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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