Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize