Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
