You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
