Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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