Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
