I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
