I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
