You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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