grandma shit on top of the toilet
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
