tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
her vagine was all disorganized.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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