i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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