I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
