i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
