Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
