You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
