Already got asked if we're dating
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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