I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
