Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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