Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
