well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
