Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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