is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
