This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
being pregnant is like rehab
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
