my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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