Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
