Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
