ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
