What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
