Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
