I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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