So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
