I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
