Im at strip club and am horny
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
