Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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