i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
