im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
