It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
