I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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