I cannot find my penis.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
