I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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