Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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