Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
