Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I puked a lego.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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