bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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