He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
