and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
