Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
