Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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