This dress was meant to end up on your floor
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
