Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
