Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
