i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have already put on my inside pants.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
