A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize