i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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