Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
